This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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