oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
