do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
