Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
