smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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