There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
