You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
