Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I forget how to act sober
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
