I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
