It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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