I hope mine doesn't look like that
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
