I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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