just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
