he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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