I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
