I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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