Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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