Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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