In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
