I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
