I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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