Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
