He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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