How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
