Just fell off a train. Bad.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We are all done wearing pants today
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
