The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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