another moral hangover. fuck.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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