There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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