ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
