The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
