Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
