I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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