apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
