Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
