FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
