cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
