its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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