no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
