i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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