Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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