I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
