Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
