Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
