I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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