Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
