You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it hurts more in the daytime
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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