help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
