why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
