Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
