Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
