final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
