Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
