i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
