theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
