U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize