if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
