the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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