we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
