well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
His nipple licking is glorious
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