haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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