What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
