She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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