Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
