A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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