I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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