I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
