If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
