she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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