I think I died a long time ago.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
