You're my little dorito
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
