I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
