Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
