And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everclear isn't food dammit
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
