apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize